Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
