I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
