we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
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they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
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Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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