She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
