oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
