a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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