it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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