i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
