I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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