i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
