my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
