Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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