it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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