Kiss
Puke
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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