Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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