you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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