i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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