Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
