You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
