If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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