Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
