i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
