i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
