woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
