Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
