My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
