yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
