I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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