Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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