how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
