Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
