You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
