what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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