I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
