Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Soap is not a condiment
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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