i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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