It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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