I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
