Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
