its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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