Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
