How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
