Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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