I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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