Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
