then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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