So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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