Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
