By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
