...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
