Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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