i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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