don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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