And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
