Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have already put on my inside pants.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
