I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
