why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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