as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We had to coat check the pizza.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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