Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
