So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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