got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Someone came in the potted fern
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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