Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
