i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
