We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
