i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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