what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
