There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
