I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
