Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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