It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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