Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
