I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
