I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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