I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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