I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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