Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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