I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
