Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
