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The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
